One Thought At A Time

0125

A single guy, a single girl, and a married… mom… gal… met for coffee. They talked about the past, they lamented about the present, they shared tips on how to keep their bodies from further falling apart. The feeling about the future was… uncertainty. They figured they would just work on to pay the bills and if there was time to kill, then they would fill them up with tv watching, video games and some socializing. The married gal paid for the coffees. The two singles waited outside as their friend were paying the bill. While they were waiting, the two looked around for familiar landmarks like the old book store they used to hang out in to start a conversation. The friend joined their reminiscing when she came out of the shop, and as they talked, they felt old. To forget about the inevitable aging process, they planned to fill that night with some bad karaoke singing.

4 months ago 6 notes view comments

My dad was making some comments about the two brothers that hung themselves in their home. According to the news was that they had borrowed money from the loan sharks to pay for their recently deceased mom’s funeral. It seemed that they weren’t able to pay back the sharks, and the pressures they got from the sharks forced them to off themselves. It was at the dinner table my dad commented that was a stupid decision that they had made, then he looked at me to get my approval to his opinion. I kept quiet. It wasn’t hard for me to get why they would kill themselves. Life is hard and sometimes cruel to us. Even without the loss of either parent or poverty I have thought of putting myself out of the misery. I don’t think suicide should be an option but I get why some would consider it. Life is just fucking overwhelming sometimes. It sometimes appears to be sweet and kind and in an instance turns into this devouring beast, won’t rest until every single bone of mine is crushed. To the two brothers, rest in peace and I hope you are at a better place.

8 months ago 2 notes view comments

Just musing

1435

Song I would slit my wrist to (I think if it ever come to this, then I wanna die to a beautiful song): Sparklehorse’s “It’s a wonderful life”.

1438

I’m not ashamed of my occasional depression.

1438

I still can’t tell what’s my dream and ambition. Being 30 something and unable to do this seem to deem me a failure (in my head). Just that I felt like my mind keeps going on a de-reconstructing cycle of who I am and what this world means to me, so it left me a little slow in answering these question. But there’s one thing I know for sure: I am moved by beautiful music, films and photography. I enjoy participating in creative processes.

1444

I like people but I need a lot of space to put me ‘in the zone’ to keep liking them.

2 years ago view comments

0309

Secret crush. Goodbye. Hope you’re at a better place now.

2 years ago view comments

1329

I am cynical about happiness.

I don’t think it’s something to achieve but an emotion that surprises when one least expects it.

2 years ago view comments

0748

I imagine my epitaph says: Interesting but not remarkable.

And all you self-help gurus stop trying to save me. I just need to figure things out a little.

2 years ago view comments

Thought came in the middle of a poo…

In Malaysian cantonese slang, we say ‘taking a dump’ as ‘bombing Tokyo’. I guess it came from old wartime grudge but now it’s basically used in an affectionate and nonchalant way.

2 years ago view comments

0654

I was plunged into a Chinese family dinner environment. It was slightly uncomfortable. I’m from a kinda Westernized family, and being thrown in this environment can be a little intimidating for me. I’m staying over at a friend’s this weekend and I thought we’ll be eating out most time but his dad cooked and wanted us to eat in and we did. Boy… the “outsider” awkwardness. And it’s kinda weird that I am blogging about it now, cos’ it’s like I just have to vent about stuff immediately these days because there’s an open medium to do it. The need to lay bare the inner self is almost like emotional porn… ”consume me… consume me…” (In my head I’m picturing the ‘lip my stocking’ woman in “Lost in Translation” mouthing the words)

2 years ago view comments