I need to shut up and just appreciate life as it is.
I think I have been ungrateful. It’s the boredom of having so much and living so little. I am a regular consumer. I consume air, food and energy. The air is fresh in my city, the water is clean and the food is tasty but there are always things that get on my nerves and beg to be bitched about.
Seriously, I can’t remember what I bitch about usually, I just feel like a blackhole is in my being that keeps sucking the joy out of everything when I am in this funk. I am an Asian from a developing Third World country with a huge population that still thinks women are second (or third) class citizens and gays don’t have the right to happiness. I don’t believe in seeing a therapy because it’s for the rich anglo-saxons. I don’t think there is a cure for this darkness in my soul.
I am wrong. there could be a cure, but I am too miserable and sad to see it most time. I am unable to see the others that are around me. Sometimes I am blind even to my family members, even though we are living in the same house and sharing meals together. I feel this anger towards myself as I write this. Damn, I am a selfish bastard.
Life is good. I think as long as I can blog about my misery, life isn’t that bad. It is a luxury to be able to blog about sadness on a device. It means I am not that dirt poor, I am not starving and I have time to spread my misery.
Okay. Shut up now. Seriously, start living.