I read the “A New Earth” two years ago, vowed to myself that I was going to put in practice what I had learned from that book for the rest of my life. My initial drive had burned out; I did not practice being mindful as much I would have liked to in the past months and now I really want to get back on track in the discipline of the mind again. I still do my deep breathing when I feel negative energy rising up within me or when it is felt around me; it is the taking time out to be still in the silence to regroup my thoughts that I have negelcted. I miss being in that space of stillness in my mind, but it is tough work to just sit still and let the thoughts come and go… and not be harsh on myself when I succumb to a thought (worries) and dwell in it for too long. I don’t want to see it as a New Year Resolution: “This is what I have resoluted to do for the rest of the year…” I am just going to see it as something I will start doing today and take time out and be still. I am going to start off with a 5 minutes meditation and hopefully build on it and add to the time duration… and I will be kind to myself when I do not follow through my goal and keep trying.
He thought he was a loser. Nearing late 30s, he had nothing much to show. Was he supposed to show: A house? A fancy car? A job with good income and balance of work and play time? Lots of toys to litter his home? Or was it someone that he has to be? These questions made him feel worse. How was he ever going to know success when he was so clueless?
His parents watched their child react to life so negatively and wondered why he was so anal about everything. Between being supportive and offering advice, they really wanted to tell him to just chill the fuck out and give himself a little more time to get to his goal. But he was too in love with his anxiety to look at things with better judgement and rationale. In turn, his parents would have to learn patience themselves and wait for their child to get over his angst and grow out of it.
So I wandered around
I fell in love with the burden
Holding me down” —“One Sunday Morning” by Wilco
A single guy, a single girl, and a married… mom… gal… met for coffee. They talked about the past, they lamented about the present, they shared tips on how to keep their bodies from further falling apart. The feeling about the future was… uncertainty. They figured they would just work on to pay the bills and if there was time to kill, then they would fill them up with tv watching, video games and some socializing. The married gal paid for the coffees. The two singles waited outside as their friend were paying the bill. While they were waiting, the two looked around for familiar landmarks like the old book store they used to hang out in to start a conversation. The friend joined their reminiscing when she came out of the shop, and as they talked, they felt old. To forget about the inevitable aging process, they planned to fill that night with some bad karaoke singing.